American-style (Republican) Christianity
After the big Bill Nye/Ken Ham debate last night, Matt Stopera at Buzzfeed asked a bunch of sincere creationists to write down a question they would want to ask believers in evolution to answer and then pose while holding those questions up to the camera.
Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon and Beth Spencer of Lawyers, Guns, and Money took up the challenge and today attempted to give some brief, somewhat disrespectful answers to those questions. Marcotte’s answers, while dismissive, were somewhat on point; Spencer elected to answer with pure humor.
Q: What mechanism has science discovered that evidences an increase of genetic information seen in any genetic mutation or evolutionary process?
Marcotte: I had the answer in a few seconds to this stunning question she put to we reality-based folks. There were also a bunch of people spouting nonsense they don’t understand about the second law of thermodynamics. This has also been addressed, though creationists just ignore it.
What really kills me is how smug these dumbfucks are about being dumbfucks. It really proves that one of the side effects of stupid is you really have no idea how stupid you are.
Q: If we come from monkeys then why are there still monkeys?
Marcotte: If you come from your parents, why do you still have parents? If that sounds like a dumb question, consider that it’s exactly the same question.
Spencer: Because all this poo isn’t going to fling itself and creationists tire easily.
Q: How can you look at the world and not believe someone created/thought of it? It’s amazing!
Marcotte: Again, it’s a useful moment to consider sexual reproduction and how it works. Despite the fact that I have a very specific set of features that are unique and amazing, it doesn’t mean my parents carefully crafted me. Amazing things can come from unconscious processes. Anyway, there’s many variations of this, often centering around the notion that the Big Bang and other processes (by the way, their man Ken Ham actually denies that the Big Bang happened, so they aren’t even keeping their own bullshit straight) have to have someone who started them. But, of course, that provokes a curious person to ask, “If everything that exists must have an intelligent force that created it, then who made God? And who made the person that made God? And who made them?” But these are incurious people. Indeed, one of their main points of incuriousity is regarding the people they are supposedly opposed to, “evolutionists”.
Spencer: No, perky lady, the word you’re looking for is “amazeballs.” Please re-write your sign.
Q: Why do evolutionists/secularists/humanists/non-god-believing people reject the idea of their [sic] being a creator god but embrace the concept of intelligent design from aliens or other extra-terrestrial sources?
Marcotte: Just making shit up because actually bothering to learn anything about these various groups might cause him to actually reconsider his opinions.
Spencer: They don’t. Next question.
Q: How do you explain the sunset if their [sic] is no god?
Marcotte: It’s true, this one is a stumper. Some say that the sunset is caused because the sun god who rides his chariot through the sky every day crash lands on the ground, only to be reborn in the sunset, gently expelled by Mother Earth in a ray of light every morning. Some say the sun is a giant fireball God throws across the sky that explodes every night. Scientists clearly have no explanation, which goes to show that they are full of shit.
Spencer: If you get to credit god with sunsets, can I finally get everybody to admit that Satan created the raisin? I look at raisins and I am certain THERE IS NO GOD.
Q: Are you scared of a Divine Creator?
Marcotte: A little bit, but on the list of fictional characters I’m afraid of, he falls really low. Way below Amy from Gone Girl, but probably higher than Elizabeth Bennett.
Spencer: Yes. John Waters is terrifying.