‘Staying Fit with Jim’: Enigmatic cable access fitness guru with a ‘little body’

Last night during the fourth (or was it the fifth?) session of the (incredible) two day Everything Is Festival at the (awesome) Cinefamily establishment here in Los Angeles, they had a “Found Footage Battle Royale.”

Now what that means is that the entrants had to submit 2 minute clips and then they’d face off against each other with the audience “applause-o-meter” deciding the winner of each round, who’d then move on to the next. The winner was a fellow named Uneven Eagle who presented clip after clip of an enigmatic Wausau, Wisconsin cable access fitness instructor named “Jim.”

Once “Jim” was unleashed, no one else stood a chance.

There is next to nothing about this cinch-waisted fitness guru on the Internet, just a brief listing on the local cable access station’s website. The show is aired there, amidst Lutheran and Baptist televangelists, the teachings of “Eckanar” (with Living ECK Master, Sri Harold Klemp) and The LaRouche Connection. Even in that company, Jim must stand out, as you can see from the following clips.

For over 20 years, “Jim” has hit record and videotaped himself brandishing a scimitar, his monological musings on having a “little body,” “fat farm boy hands” and the price of magazines, pork chops and apples, as well as his thoughts on the films of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because “Jim” edits his show “in camera” (i.e. starts and stops the camera between scenes) he has to hold still for several seconds after each set up to avoid the camera preroll erasing the previous scene. So he just stares into the camera. The winner of the contest had a final clip of these moments all cut together. Maybe it was the free beer, but the entire audience was shrieking in hysterics. The clips below are pretty much arranged in the order that the audience saw them in.


Above: “We can pretend we’re Hercules and we’re crushing…something. Something evil.”

More “Staying Fit With Jim” clips after the jump…

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The return of the Everything is (Terrible) Fest!

Holy shit… has it really been a year since the last Everything Is Festival? Twelve months have passed since their last memorable pageant of complete and utter fuckedupedness? Apparently so because the new one, Everything is Festival III: The Domination, is nigh upon us and this year, it’s bigger and badder than ever: TEN FULL DAYS of description-defying mayhem.

If you live in Los Angeles and you love weird, insane, hilarious underground shit—then Everything Is Festival! is better than your Christmas, Halloween and birthday combined. It’s the film, video and music festival that feels like a holiday. But a really fucked-up holiday in a really fucked-up country.

Here’s a list of most of what’s happening between August 18th and the 28th at Cinefamily in Hollywood (and locations elsewhere) in no particular order. I’ve gone to both previous Everything Is Festivals and had my mind blown apart. I highly recommend the Schrab & Harmon’s Found Crap video screening and anything done specifically by the Everything Is Terrible collective. The EIF talent show with Nick Offerman and the Jeff Krulik retrospective show also look like fun. The found footage “battle” is another fucked-up treat..

Show & Tell w/ Joel Hodgson!
One of our favorite comedians ever, Joel Hodgson (the creator of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic) will give us an evening’s worth of his personal archives. Not only might he avail us of his intense personal collection of ventriloquist dummies, but he’s also going to bring video material fro across his career, including the long-lost pilot The TV Wheel!

Everything is Terrible! Presents “The Rise and Fall of God” or “Religion’s Greatest Shits!” or “God Is Alive And Well And Living in Branson”
Since ‘07, the found-footage collective Everything Is Terrible! has not only amassed so much gooey analog gold that even sifting through it as a viewer proves to be a problem—but also a few “cease and desist” letters that have forced the gang to bury some of their weirdest and most outrageous stuff.  Well, fuck that!  For one very special show, EiT! is proud to present the greatest thing to ever happen to VHS: organized religion!  Whether you’re a God-fearing lunatic or an annoying atheist blowhard, let’s put our differences aside and laugh in the face of our Lord while demanding he proves his existence once and for all!  

G.L.O.W.: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling (director & Ladies of G.L.O.W. in person!)
G.L.O.W.: The Story of The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling chronicles the rise and fall of the first ever all-female wrestling show through the stories of those who lived it.  For all of the women, working on G.L.O.W. was a unique and exciting experience that will bond them forever.  Director Brett Whitcomb and the ladies of G.L.O.W. themselves will be here in person for a panel unlike any other!  

Adult Swim’s “Off The Air” (creator David Hughes in person!)
When your show is called Off The Air and it’s on at 3AM, you’re almost daring viewers to hunt down and discover an incredible show like this.  Thankfully we did, and we cannot wait to share it with you.  Each episode starts with a simple theme (animals, food, etc.), and what happens next is hard to explain.  In an insanely short amount of time, the show’s creator David Hughes curates the most wonderfully bizarre and disturbingly beautiful short films of our time.   Dave Hughes will be here in person to show us unseen shorts, his favorite gems, and God knows what else!  

Schrab & Harmon’s Found Crap
Rob Schrab.  Dan Harmon.  Two creative visionaries who happen to collect jaw-droppingly funny found-footage.  In fact, they relate their obsession to their careers as creators of incredible film and television (Community, The Sarah Silverman Program, Monster House.)  Speaking of success, their Found Crap shows (this will be their sixth!) are some of Cinefamily’s most talked-about events.  Schrab & Harmon are living proof that watching Midwestern horror films and bad porno lead to success and power!

Alamo Drafthouse presents Miami Connection, with Y.K. Kim in Person!
There are films that we save for a rainy day—and, baby, it’s fucking pouring!  THE most entertaining film you will see.  Ever.  Directed by 9th-degree black belt philosopher/author/inspirational speaker Grandmaster Y.K. Kim, Miami Connection tells the story of fearless synth rock band Dragon Sound, as they embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice in the streets of Orlando, FL.  “‘Miami Connection’ has repeatedly destroyed our audience in a more powerful way than anything else in the 15 years of our theater’s existence.” - Zack Carlson, Alamo Drafthouse

The Doug Benson Interruption: Everything is Festival Edition!
This Everything Is Festival Edition installment of Doug Benson’s Movie Interruption, where Doug and his friends (who, in the past, have included everyone from Brian Posehn to Sarah Silverman and Zack Galifianakis) chill on the front row couches, mics in hand, and say whatever hilarious thing pops into their heads while a movie of their choosing unfolds on the screen. We don’t know what wacky thing Doug is gonna cook up for us in honor of the festival, but we do know it will be hilarious and stoned.

Jeff Krulik’s ‘Parking Lot’ and Other Treasures
What do Neil Diamond, Harry Potter, and Judas Priest all have in common?  They all have obsessive fans—and they all have parking lots outside the venues they appear at.  The man who brought us 1986’s top-shelf, all-time classic Heavy Metal Parking Lot presents his favorite short films made over his thirty-year career in filmmaking.

An Evening With Longmont Potion Castle
The John Coltrane of crank calls is sitting himself down for a truly rare and intimate interview.  That’s right, THE only crank caller worth our continued attentions: his work is alternately hilarious, tripped out, nonsensical, infuriating, ridiculous, and straddles the line between totally genius and completely stupid. Whether he’s confusing innocent victims, picking fights with some of them, befriending others, posing as the UPS man wanting to deliver some centipedes, or tirelessly harassing Eddie Money—the man is a twisted genius.  Longmont will also perform live his one-man metal show that’s sure to shred your flesh!  This guy is your new hero, so get to know him well.

Found Footage Battle Royale 2012
Think your collection of YouTube videos and VHS tapes is the best in the biz? Well, prove it, creep! This is a Found Footage Battle Royale of viral video insanity—and we’re daring you to bring your A-game, and go head-to-head with your own kind!  We want to see your weird, funny, insane clips that you’ve always wanted to show publicly — think of it like WWF wrestling, but with videos instead of all that greasy groping stuff.  Sixteen brave souls enter the competition—only one leaves alive!

Silver Screen Kitty Queens: The Art of the Cat Film
Everyone here at Everything Is Festival and Cinefamily loves kitty cats—no, we really LOVE KITTY FREAKIN’ CATS!! In honor of our four-legged brethren, we’re putting together the cuddliest, most snuggly, adorable and highly informative cat videostravaganza ever. Some of you may have heard about the Internet Cat Video Festival at Minneapolis’s Walker Art Center—the first ever of its kind. Well, we’re flying its founder, Katie Hill, for a special L.A. sneak peek of her event. The show also includes the L.A. premiere of CatCam, the SXSW Audience Award-winning short documentary about a German engineer who attached a camera to his outdoor adventurer cat’s collar, to see what happens. That’s just a taste of what’s included in this program, with more announcements to come. You’re sure to PURRRR with delight! MEOW!

Ultimate ‘Pete and Pete’ Reunion
Every generation thinks the kids stuff they grew up with is best ever made–and those of us who grew up with Pete and Pete may actually be right. While it only lasted three seasons (1993-1996), The Adventures of Pete and Pete imprinted a generation with its magical and moving mixture of mystery, sweetness, strangeness, and humor — how we remember childhood at its best. As Cinefamily’s Everything is Festival comes to a close, and FYF Fest begins, we are excited to unite our powers for good and bring to you the Ultimate Pete and Pete Reunion to end all Pete and Pete reunion shows. We’ll assemble on one stage virtually the entire population of Wellsville (from its creators to its residents), to wax nostalgic about the quintessential show about nostalgia, to explicate inside jokes, to deconstruct the immaculate mechanism behind the show’s making, and to have a great time. We’ll be flashing Petunia tattoos, eating Mr. Tastee ice cream, getting “loaded” on Orange Lazarus, and, for the first and (maybe) last time in history, listening to our favorite songs live from the band POLARIS — who are reuniting for this special show. This is Woodstock for Kreb Scouts, kiddies, and you’ll wanna say you were there (or you’ll be lying about it later, anyways.) Clear your calendar. Get on a plane. Evade the International Adult Conspiracy. Just don’t be a jerkweed, and do what it takes, cause you don’t wanna miss this show!

More information—and ticket booking—at the Cinefamily website

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Video game tips from the pros
09:58 am


Everything is Terrible
video games

“Down, down, left, right, up, down…”

Via Everything is Terrible

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Glowing Mouth: ‘Halfway’ new video from Milagres

Behold the wild new video for “Halfway” by Milagres, from their new album Glowing Mouth (Kill Rock Stars). Directed by Dangerous Minds pals Valiant Effort (Dimitri Simakis of Everything is Terrible!, Suki-Rose Etter and Vinod Gundapaneni).

Starring Zena Grey and Axl the cat.

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Ricky goes to church: Creepy Christian ventriloquist dummy
09:03 am


Everything is Terrible
Little Ricky

Like many of you reading this, I’ve certainly seen my share of creepy Christian ventriloquist dummies, but “Little Ricky” is probably the creepiest of them all.

Via Everything is Terrible!


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Christian ‘humorist’ finds son’s gay porno stash, hilarity ensues!

Supercut from the geniuses at Everything is Terrible of Christian “humorist” Barbara Johnson’s uh, “routine” I’d guess you’d call it, about her gay son.  The late Mrs. Johnson was the author of Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy.

H/T to Christian Nightmares

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Watch Neil Hamburger & Firesign Theatre streaming LIVE from the Everything Is Festival!

If you couldn’t make it to Los Angeles this holiday weekend for the INSANE five-day long Everything Is Festival! taking place at Cinefamily, fret not because you can watch today’s festivities live beginning at 2:30 PST.

At 2:30, America’s funnyman Neil Hamburger will be doing his special tribute to Dora Hall, the septuagenarian grandmother who turned entertainer with TV specials and record albums paid for by her rich husband, who owned the Solo cup company. Not to be missed!

Then at 4:30, there will be a special Firesign Theatre mini-film festival with Peter Bergman and Phil Proctor of the Firesign Theatre, in attendance. Films include the only film visual record of one of their legendary radio shows, Martian Space Party and a new 5.1 surround version of Everything You Know is Wrong.

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Martian Space Party: Firesign Theatre mini-film festival

On Sunday as part of the grand experiment in entertainment excess that is the five-day long Everything Is Festival! held at Cinefamily here in Los Angeles, there will be a Firesign Theatre mini-film festival starting at 4:30p.m. (just after Neil Hamburger’s Dora Hall tribute, which starts at 2:30).

The event will feature two Firesign Theatre shorts that have not been shown theatrically in many, many years (probably not since the mid-70s, in fact) and that are not currently available on home video (yet), plus other previously unseen goodies and rarities.

First up will be the only cinematic documentation of their legendary free-form radio shows, Martian Space Party. The “Martian Space Party” show was the final program in the “Let’s Eat” radio series of 1972 and was staged for cameras and a small audience.

Everything You Know is Wrong, which is a lip-sync’d visual interpretation of their 1975 album of the same name, will be premiering in a new 5.1 surround sound presentation, prepared from a digital dupe of the film supervised by famed cinematographer Allen Daviau (E.T. Bugsy, The Color Purple).

Plus some other SUPER SECRET Firesign Theatre films and videos and a live Q&A with Peter Bergman and Phil Proctor of the Firesign Theatre, EYKIW director Allen Daviau and Firesign Theatre archivist Taylor Jessen, author of the new book and DVD-ROM Duke of Madness Motors. Yours truly will be asking the questions.

Below, the trailer, which is already in progress…

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Once upon an old lady: Neil Hamburger’s Dora Hall tribute!

Tonight is the opening night of the incredible five-day long Everything Is Festival! here in Los Angeles at the Cinefamily theater on Fairfax.

Getting the first night off to a great start will be the “Conan O’Brien” writers retrospective panel, featuring a live gathering of Conan writers past and present, followed by a live appearance from IFC’s Thu Tran, host of the delightfully surreal Food Party show.

One event that I’m certainly jazzed for is Neil Hamburger’s tribute to the one and only Dora Hall:

America’s Funnyman finally returns to the Cinefamily, for a program celebrating one of his all-time favorite entertainers — and one of Cinefamily’s fave found footage personalities! Long ago, a handful of enigmatic VHS tapes, adorned with watercolor illustrations of an old lady amidst a generic cast of smiling faces — and the Solo disposable cup company logo — fell into our hands. On these tapes were wonderfully cracked ‘70s variety specials starring septuagenarian starlet Dora Hall; who was this woman? A long-forgotten pop star reclaiming past glory? A wrinkled studio creation meant to appeal to the AARP set? Someone in power’s ambitious relative? WHO?!?!

Neil finally explains it all:

“The undisputed queen of vanity entertainment, Dora Hall was married to Leo Hulseman, the founder of the immensely successful Solo Cup Company — a man quite happy to delve into Solo’s apparently bottomless coffers to finance dozens of record releases by Dora, all given away free of charge with packages of plastic cups and plates during the ‘60s! Not content with her “success” in the record biz, Dora branched out in the ensuing two decades with several full-blown Solo-financed TV specials designed to make her a star — despite the fact that she was an elderly grandmother with limited show business experience!”

Sunday afternoon, Neil Hamburger will appear in person to present a psyche-shattering afternoon of vintage Dora TV variety special highlights, along with other special treats! More info and tickets here.

Below, an excerpt from Hall’s Once Upon a Tour TV special. How could you miss this?

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Negativland: Adventures in Illegal Art

Negativland’s Mark Hoesler will be delivering the keynote address at the big Everything Is Festival this Friday night at Cinefamily in Los Angeles:

Is Negativland a “band”? Media hoaxers? Activists? Artists? Musicians? Filmmakers? Culture jammers? Comedians? An inspiration for the unwashed many? A nuisance for the corporate few? Decide for yourself in this video & storytelling presentation from founding Negativland member Mark Hosler that uses films and stories to illustrate the many creative projects, hoaxes, pranks and “culture jamming” that Negativland has been doing since 1980. Whether you’re a hardcore Negativland fan, or even unfamiliar with the band (but interested in a highly entertaining and informative jaunt into the evolving landscape of art vs. ownership), Hosler’s EIF! keynote presentation is essential, and we can’t recommend it enough. As well, stick around for a Q&A with Mark Hosler after the presentation!

If you can’t actually make it in person, fret not, Hoesler’s EIF address will be webcast on Stickam! More information on the Everything Is Festival here.

Below, an excerpt from a past Mark Hoesler lecture:

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Everything Is Festival! Preview

This weekend is the big Everything Is Festival here in Los Angeles. Cinefamily’s Hadrian Belove and Dimitri Simakis of Everything is Terrible preview the five day fest, which will feature Mark Hosler of Negativland, Neil Hamburger dipping into his personal collection of obscure TV specials made by a 70-year-old grandmother, Andrew W.K. with a motivational lecture, a Firesign Theatre tribute, TV Carnage and others who’ll appear amidst the cinematic mayhem they plan to hurl at the audience. Full schedule here. Get a festival pass before it’s too late!

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Super Cuts and Trash Compactors at the Everything Is Festival!

If you live in Los Angeles and you love weird, insane, hilarious underground shit—like, say, the kind of fare you might find on the popular Everything Is Terrible! blog—then the second annual Everything Is Festival! is going to be better than your Christmas, Halloween and birthday combined. It’s the film, video and music festival that feels like a holiday. But a really fucked up holiday in a really fucked up country. Or a fucked up planet. (I was there last year, trust me on this one).

Co-sponsored by Cinefamily, Indie Printing and Everything Is Terrible! there is five solid days of mayhem, carnage and video mischief scheduled from June 30 to July 4.

Let’s take, for instance, the “Super Cuts and Trash Compactors” show. According to Cinefamily programmer Hadrian Belove, a “trash compactor” is “when you take a film and distill it to its essence”:

Cinefamily’s grabbing the zeitgeist by the nutsack and squeezing the video juice out of the YouTube for all of our viewing pleasure! Tonight we celebrate two of our favorite memes in the viral video world: “supercuts” and “trash compactors.” You know, like when TV Carnage cut together every “Gimmie your badge…and your gun” moment from every shitty cop movie ever made, or when FourFour did a mashup of every time someone said “I’m not here to make friends” on a reality TV show — that’s a “Supercut.”

And when that anonymous editor compressed 120 minutes of Wicker Man Nic Cage insanity into a high-powered two-minute H-bomb of hilarity — that’s a “Trash Compactor.”

This show features our favorite pre-existing classics in these two categories, and a group show bursting full of brand-new premieres by Everything Is Terrible, FourFour, Cinefamily’s own Mondo Squad, and more. I tube, you tube, we all tube for YouTube! Tonight’s show features a live appearance by online video mashup maven FourFour!

Watch the now-classic Trash Compactor featuring every dumb pun delivered by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Mr. Freeze” in Batman & Robin:

More on the Everything Is Festival all this week on DM, but you can go here for more information and ticket purchase. Here’s a two-minute version of horror film, Incubus, in which John Cassavetes seems obsessed with sperm.

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The Asshole Monologues
10:27 am


Everything is Terrible

“Don’t fear your asshole or you will never uncover its powerful secrets.”

Might have been my favorite clip from the insanity of the Everything Is Festival at Cinefamily in Los Angeles last month. This guy is so earnest. This brought the entire house down.

Via Everything is Terrible

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Everything is Terrible: Stunt School
12:14 am


Everything is Terrible

New Everything is Terrible spotlights what it takes to be a stuntman. Highlights: Choking yourself, taking punches, fighting like a guy but looking like a girl. Wait for the gang signs and the “pain and agony of being the hero.”

(Via Everything is Terrible)

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The Alien Agenda: Endangered Species
12:29 pm


Everything is Terrible
Alien Agenda

Believe it or not, this movie was made in 1998.

(Via Everything is Terrible)

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