Foria is a brand new sexual lubricant for the sexy stoner lady with high-class tastes. For a mere pittance of $88 (and a California medical marijuana prescription), you can get a one-ounce jar of coconut oil and THC to smear on (and in) your ladyflower. In fact, Foria is actually named for the female ﬂower of the marijuana plant—but don’t worry, Foria is nearly odorless. (Even the most devoted of potheads might balk at vulva perfumed with Alaskan Thunderfuck.)
Apparently Foria doesn’t get you high (unless you eat it)—women using it reported varying degrees of a warmish and/or tingly sensation. While that sounds totally harmless, I’m a little baffled this product is legal. Humans have been smoking pot since forever, and we’ve had some time to study its effects by now. There are no studies or reports on the effects of THC taken vaginally, so who are these genital pioneers, willing to try untested sexual pharmacology?
This is actually the picture on the website. Next to it are the words, “Discover the pleasure within,” and there’s a button linked to the video below that says, “watch teaser.” Subtle.
From the day spa aesthetic of the website to the look of the testimonials in the video below, I’d say Foria is subtly being marketed to women experiencing a drop in hormones or some level of female sexual dysfunction. The use of the word “aphrodisiac” is a dead giveaway:
Our proprietary formula was inspired by the historical use of cannabis as an aphrodisiac in traditional cultures around the world. This ancient wisdom has been validated by the recent groundswell of scientific research into the health benefits of marijuana. Foria harnesses the complex powers of marijuana to create a potent “therapeutic aphrodisiac.”
Because we believe that health and pleasure are naturally inseparable, we chose to make Foria with 100% natural liquid coconut oil. Besides being delicious to eat, our coconut oil has a naturally low pH that is great for skin care and ideal for maintaining a healthy vaginal pH—one key to fighting off yeast and bacteria—thereby promoting natural harmony and balance within the body.
First of all, “proprietary”? You dissolved THC in cooking oil—you didn’t invent Viagra.
This kind of new age woo is always half “ancient wisdom,” half “scientific research,” and while I’m sure no one’s vagina is going to OD on weed-lube, it’s disconcerting that an essentially untested drug product—one intended for use on a very permeable, very sensitive, very important part of the female body—doesn’t have an OBGYN’s endorsement. What it does have is a reassuringly “natural” brand. Before inventing Foria, Mathew Gerson founded Sir Richard’s Condom Company, a wildly successful “luxury condom” you can buy at bougie grocery stores. Sir Richard’s condoms are all-natural, vegan, and for every condom you buy, one is donated to “a community in need.” They’re the Tom’s Shoes of the John Thomas. Forget green capitalism—we’ve moved on to green fapitalism. (Be happy I stopped there—I got a million of ‘em.)
Look, maybe this Bono of boning really has created a magical product with ancient wisdom and scientific research. Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow will blog about it, and maybe it will help a few rich women achieve some much-needed moments of elation, but I’m not reassured by any product just because it’s “natural.” Heroin is “natural,” and it comes from a pretty flower too. Until the science is in, I intend to consume my illicits through inhalation and digestion—just as the good Lord intended. Anything else would make me feel like a drug mule, or worse—some corporate hippie’s unwitting lab rat.
Check out the testimonial “teaser” below for some frank endorsements from attractive middle-aged brunette women.